Week one: We made it!
Its the end of week one of self quarantine for us. You might be a few days ahead or behind us on this number but we should all give ourselves a pat on the back. We made it! It feels like small yet monumental feat. The rainbow of emotions felt this week has been intense. Sometimes shifting within minutes.
I felt the need to share what I have learned this week.
Day 1: So many small things had been leading up to this day but I feel that today was a huge shift for Oregon. March 13th our state decided that School and all extra curricular activities, church, non essentials were cancelled for the next two weeks. Disappointing yes. Inconvenient for sure. Frustrating you bet. We were still under the illusion that this would pass easily and without much adjustment. Here in lies the first stage of grief: denial
Day 2: Still in la la land. Irritated that everything is cancelled and depressed that we can't really go anywhere. Annoyed with being confined and frustrated with people. At this point I still thought that it wasn't all this serious. Grabbed some groceries, ran some errands and tried to get my mind off of all the unknowns.
Day 3: This day was shit. Started off by having to put our senior dog to sleep.Super emotional and depression. At this point I am starting to feel that all encompassing exhaustion that comes with grief. Wondering how the heck I am going to be able to homeschool my kids while working at home. Friends have I told you how much alone time I require? A LOT! The anxiety of knowing that my world was about to flip upside down was intense.
Day 4: Happy First day of homeschool. I will preface this with the fact that we got 20 minutes of school done. So much of myself felt paralyzed. Depressed and full of ideas but absolutely no idea how to execute any of it. I had a breakdown in the garage as I was organizing my emergency kit because honestly thats the only thing I feel like I could manage at that point. Crying while counting canned food was not my finest moment but it needed to happen .The fear of feeling SO unprepared for this was overwhelming. Do I look deranged? Thats pretty much how I felt.
Day 5: Today was a good day. I got dressed, did my makeup and attempted to start some sort of routine. I am a creature of habit and LOVE a routine and a plan. The sunshine is helping in so many ways. We received word today that school is now cancelled until April 28th. Shit just got real. Ok cool... I am now actually homeschooling. The uneasiness of daily rapid change has ny nerves shot. I feel so tired and on edge all at the same time which in itself is exhausting.
Day 6: I decided to set up a homeschool area to provide a little more normalcy as well as somewhat of a schedule. I keep checking in with the kids to see if they are ok. They are pretty resilient but I am starting at this point to notice how this massive change is affecting them. There is no way to prepare them for a complete 180 and as kids they still don't understand why we have to do what we are doing.
Today was the day where something shifted for me. Where I was able to look at this through a different lens and start to see the beauty in it. Not to say the sadness and overwhelm isn't still there.
Day 7: Today was tough. Ruby is especially having a hard time and is not quite able to verbalize it. The fact that we are all going to be home together ALL THE TIME is sinking in with all of us. This is a lot of peoples norms already but for us; two working parents, two kids in public school this is a HUGE SHIFT. Today the state announced that it would announce a stay home order on Monday. We aren't quite sure what this means yet but everything is so rapidly changing so being able to count on any information as valid for longer than a few days is hard to do.
We are gearing up for a week of rainy weather. A week of Kavin and I both working from home for the first time ever. A week that was supposed to be Spring Break for us. Say a prayer will you? lol
I am asking specifically for Gods guidance to hear what I need to, see what I need to and trust him in this process. To let go of the CONTROL I never had in the beginning and give it to him. The things that felt SO important last week; getting my instagram to 10k, fulfilling all my obligations, making sure I got to the gym all feel so irrelevant now. One thing this week has already taught me is to pay attention. To cherish what is in front of me. To be thankful for what I have and who I get to share it with. To be grateful for the connections with friends, even if its over a screen. That I am INCREDIBLY blessed to have coworkers that as AMAZING and supportive and family that I love. I PRAY that even if this thing only lasts two weeks that I don't easily forget these lessons.
That I will be marked forever by this forced re-evaluation of importance.
Until next week my friends <3